Please be aware that reading this may trigger you. If they do keep in mind self-care and be mindful of yourself. Take a deep breath and know everything is okay.
Are you wondering what the heck is Trichotillomania? Well, have you ever seen a movie where someone is cutely twirling their hair to flirt? Well, trichotillomania is a bit more obsessives. First, I would like to say trichotillomania looks different amongst everyone! No two apples are the same, so why should this be the same for everyone. So, please take this with lightness as I describe my experience struggling with "trich", and hopefully you find this insightful and empowering. So back to what the heck is trichotillomania? Trichotillomania is defined as " an abnormal desire to pull out one's hair" from Webster.
Yes, pulling out one's hair. Often time, individuals with trich. may not even notice at the moment they are touching, playing, pulling, or eating their own hair. As I type this, I am catching myself touching my hair and stopping myself. Unlike a scene in a movie, with someone twirling their hair. Many of us are trying to self regulate through this habit to cope. I developed the habit from childhood trauma, this can begin in childhood to late adulthood and for numerous reasons. My triggers could simply start with test-taking or afraid of being called on in class to read out loud. I would reach for my relaxed hair and begin to pull lightly. After my assignment, I would look down to see hair on my desk. At those moments, I realize this was more than twirling my hair.
Fast forward to the year 2010's the era of team natural, with relaxed hair it was much easier to hide my hair pulling habit, I can simply brush it back in a ponytail (short one), but the moment I cut my hair off to embrace my 4c hair. It was a war against my fingers and hair. I found find myself pulling at my hair more often due to the texture of the curls, but my hair was more noticeable of the damage. I found myself fighting a battle of yay, I'm natural but I'm pulling and stripping my hair away. Being 4c with trich, I found myself alone in this battle. I started to look at what hair pulling disorders and discover trich., but I did not find women/men of color facing this battle. I thought maybe I am the only 4c woman WITH When I would express that I pull my hair, people would say " WHY?!! Are you pulling your lovely hair!?" I would feel ashamed for damaging my crown. Often, I would randomly shave my hair each time a patch appeared or it would become overbearing to stop. It temporarily worked but hair is hair it grows back eventually sometimes. So I found find myself feeling guilty or ashame for pulling my hair in an endless cycle of several years of hiding my hair under wigs, braids, locs, or simply shaving it off, I found myself in the mirror asking why is so hard to have 4c hair and just enjoy it.
In 2018 during my senior comp. exam for graduate school at 4 am I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror and began to cry. I was shocked by how much hair was missing, I completely pushed back my hairline, created patches in the back of my hair and sides and top. My hair was completely scripted and raw and all I could do is cry. I don't know why I took a photo of my hair that day and kept it but I am happy I did to reflect back on how far I have come, but at the moment I felt like I failed myself in my exam and personally for just growing my hair back healthy and strong.
Why the title 4C with a dose of Trich.....?
Traditionally in my opinion of my community, we value HAIR. We use it as fashion, identity, and so much more. So to feel as if I am taking a bit of my crown away truly impacted my identity and fully embracing being natural.
After several searches on what is trich, I found a Facebook group for Trichmilia support. I found people similar to me with 4C hair. Sadly, I found only a few, BUT those few 4c girls were the first I found who struggled with the same stress-fighting behavior. I would share my hair growth oil tips and methods to help prevent pulling and this helped guide support and motivation to try to stop pulling.
So, why write this, well I want to bring awareness to trich in the 4c community. Growing up personally, mental health was not defined. We were somewhat aware, but never fully addressed it to put words to action with understanding and self-care. I want to provide a few helpful tips for those who support a trich love one or someone who struggles or winning against trich. As a reminder, Trich is attached to mental health such as anxiety, depression, and etc. So, always speak with a health care professional for a step for you. This information is general information for educational purposes. By addressing and taking a step forward in self-care and mental awareness can aid in self-calming methods under stress.
TIPS AND SUGGESTION FOR 4C HAIR WITH A DOSE OF TRICH.
1.Take a deep breath. You are beautiful, brave, and you got this!
If it's your 1st or 100th time attempting to stop pulling your hair, give yourself a hug and self - positive talk and be your best friend. Stop beating yourself up because you broke your strive of not pulling for a day or a month. It happens! Be realistic with yourself that stopping cold turkey from pulling doesn't fix a long time smoothing habit. Be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time.
2. Take Notes!
My therapist told me to keep a note pad near me, each time I found myself pulling my hair to write down how I feel at the moment, how you felt when pulling my hair, what may have triggered me, and what can I do now to calm myself beside hair pulling, how can you use mindfulness at this moment. I found this helpful when starting off as a good method of habit and bring self-awareness of how I was feeling and self-accountable when I find myself in an emotional outbreak. Learning to be gentle with me and taking steps to keep my hands busy.
3. Be Open...
Opening a dialogue around your experience and finding support. People may not understand at first, but finding a trusted friend to help you and guide you when times are rough. Provide them with tips to help remind you not to pull. For supporters- don't pull the person hands away or draw attention in public if they are pulling, my suggestion is to ask that person to hold if you could hold their hand or do an activity together to keep them busy, or open the dialogue of how are you? Let's talk about what's on your mind? or simply provide them with their notepad. Anything support other than promoting shame and embarrassment.
4. Seeking Help
If you feel as if you need more information or understanding of how to deal with trich. contact a therapist who specializes in Trich. Not only would you have your loved one supporting you, but you will have a coach who knows the trick and trades in dealing with trich one on one to help guide you.
5. Wrap it up, Braid it up, Wig it up!
Some quicker ways to help fight the habit is by keeping your hair tucked away. If you're at home and found yourself pulling, STOP and grab your cute handy dandy bonnet! It's a good line of defence against your fingers. Braid and wigs are also great ways to help prevent you from touching your hair as well. I found it more beneficial if I kept my hair moisturized and wrapped up during days I was less likely to pull it.
6. Fidgeters
Another quick way to help fight the urge is by using fidgeters! Plastic pully or other new fidgeters are good ways to help keep your hands moving. Instead of pulling your hair, you can pull at fidgeters. I usually keep mines around the house around areas I pull the most in. So nightstand or near the living room couch...(unless my dog takes it...) but, I use these items sometimes as a way to help with the urge to pull.
7. Hair Growth Oils
How to grow your hair back? Well, tich helped me and my business to this day! I did my research to find oils and herbs that help promote hair growth. For example, peppermint and rosemary are great stimulators that help with the circulation of blood flow! Using this as a pre-poo and a deep conditioner during my hair care routine helps. The rosemary oil that I create stemmed from my journey with trich before Honey Moon was even created. Castor oils is another golden must-have oil to help with hair growth! Apply it daily to the areas of hair loss either by a leave-in or rinse out. Of course, leaving it in is more beneficial.
8. Increase your protein treatment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I am screaming this from the top of my roof)
Not only does trich can cause preventing hair loss, but can strip away the outer layer of the hair creating split in, weak hair, and breakage. By using a protein treatment this aids in building that protective layer to help with those issues. In the photo above my hair felt like touch grass, I managed to pull and strip away the protein that left from not even pulling it out. Over time, using protein treatment has helped a ton to bring by stronger hair and aiding split-ins. However, part of my hair still never recover and feel a bit weaker and rougher than the other hair.
9. No heat AND too tight AND JUST OUCH!
Yes, protection styles are the easiest ways to fighting trich. but, over usage of braids and tight wigs can cause more damage than harm. This is the 4c with trich struggle... of yay putting hair away but wait damaging it even more! The challenge is finding time to let your hair and recovery takes a lot of care. Try doing lighter hairstyles, speak with your hairstylist about your hair condition, use as little as heat as possible, keep it in a twist out that are moisturized Wrap your hair at night with silk headwraps or if you don't feel like it uses a silk pillowcase! Skip the afro picks and combs if you can! The key is to be gentle as much as possible while for your hair to grow back. If you have locs, I recommend light updos and less tension on the areas that are growing back. Keep your hair wrapped with silk scarfs or cute down style if possible.
10. FINALLY, BE YOU and LIVE! if you are shy about your trich remember you are not trich! You are you and that's what we see and your not alone. I always say, hey it is what is it! Wigless, bald, or all I am going to keep smiling and do my best to take care of myself on my good and bad days. Like my favorite singer India Aire "I am not my hair"
I want you to know the reader or supporter of trich to be kind and gentle with yourself.
I hope that these little tips help you or a loved one! Again, always talk to your health care professional for advance and guidance. These are my own tips in ways I attempt to help me deal with my long and current battle with trich.
Much Love,
Kara
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